Back in March and April, I had experienced something that I have never known before. Everything felt wrong, walking on the street was nearly had me in inexplicable tears, exchanging pleasantries with other class parents at Ava’s school was overwhelming. I couldn’t smile comfortably or snap out of this odd mode. I didn’t think this was related to the start of my life in a new country either, as I believe I’m squarely located in the honeymoon phase of transition.
Ever the self-diagnosing type, I took to Google for help with . . . what exactly? “Depression but not down about anything”, “stuck don’t know what to do next”, “feeling odd as stay at home mom / entrepreneur married to business partner / moving abroad during a pandemic”? Not many results for that last search combination, oddly enough. There was a fog, but I could see everything clearly. I was paralyzed but nothing taxing was on the docket.
In the past, a good horror movie and diy mani/pedi session would magically reset everything and I could joyfully return to the duties at hand. But this time all my tricks and even new attempts to shock me back to life failed. I was not functioning well and while Julian was plenty busy with work, Ava was solidly by my side if not launching herself off the furniture to soon land in my arms, leaving no option to check out and stare into space while contemplating life, there was mac and cheese to be made!
Around this time, Julian had planned a big drive through the Yorkshire Dales and took me to see the plethora of sheep and steep, rolling hills. He would drive, I could space out, lost and confused, but why?! Surprisingly, after a of couple of hours into the journey I was starting to feel like me again. Perhaps being hit with hours of new striking landscapes bent me back into alignment. Which was confusing as my life raising Ava provides me with regular healthy doses of riverside play and walks in the woods. Who knows, but I was so grateful to simply be me again.
Funnily enough, I read this article some days later about languishing and it precisely hit the nail on the head of what I had been going through. The neither here nor there-ness of it all. With the pandemic, I think we all fell into a new line of thought, be it indifference or like me, resigning myself to fairly strict cautious behavior. This overwhelming and driving storyline probably took its toll more than I realize. I stopped planning or looking forward to anything as I exhausted myself running every new idea or plan against my internal pandemic-safety checklist.
YORKSHIRE DALES LOOP DRIVE
That’s enough of that now, let’s look at some photos of gorgeous English countryside, shall we? We started in at Linton Falls, along the River Wharfe. Our little loop walk then took us through the lovely village of Grassington where we fell prey to tempting slices of carrot cake and cute scenic streets. During our route, we marveled at the incredibly steep hills, squeezed our way past oncoming traffic in between stacked stone walls and stopped to wave to many, many sheep. Our final stops included the Ribblehead Viaduct in Cumbria, Wensleydale to purchase an obscene amount of cheese and relax with a couple of pints outdoors.
0 Comments